Post by Myra Salzer
I’ll continue my series of blogs covering the common mistakes surrounding transferring wealth with Mistake #8, Restricting Rather Than Maximizing Freedom. If you have not already done so, I invite you to read Mistake #1, Mistake #2, Mistake #3, Mistake #4, Mistake #5, Mistake #6, Mistake #7, and Mistake #8.
Mistake #9 – Grandparents Usurping Parents
I’ve heard it said many times – grandparents and grandchildren have a special relationship… because they have a common enemy. 🙂
Well, while that is often true, the basis of that circumstance might be because the children/parents have made a concerted effort to parent differently than their parents, the grandparents. This might be taken personally by the grandparents, who know that they did their best as parents. That phenomenon, coupled with their estate attorney whispering in their ear urging them to take advantage of the generation-skipping tax exemption, leads them to give to their grandchildren. While it might seem smart, effective, and generous, to them, it could be construed as controlling and narcissistic to their children. So, if you’re the grandparent, one simple conversation with your children is all it usually takes to avoid a relationship problem. If you can let your children know what you would like to do in terms of gifting to your grandchildren, and get their blessing or their input, AND LISTEN TO THEIR RESPONSE, your wealth transfer has an infinitely greater probability of success.
If you don’t honor your children’s needs before passing assets on to your grandchildren, you run the risk of alienating your children and giving your grandchildren mixed messages. It’s so easy to avoid these negative consequences if you merely check with your children before making any gifts to your grandchildren.